Connecting

It has been an interesting weekend. I’ve had no impulse to write whatsoever. I really wanted to just connect here though. It feels good to write, even if I’m not sharing some deep concept nor have some witty or charming thing to say to entertain you. I just want to connect and sometimes my writing is simply that…connection through these words on a screen, which hopefully humanize me enough to let you know I’m here and real.

There’s no screaming inspiration tonight yet writing something is really a requirement of a post unless I’m only going to put up an image or a poem and push publish…So I thought I’d take a look at some journal prompts. Sometimes those can be really fun for me. I found that Luna put up some interesting questions this week…

• Have you had a mentor for your role in this lifestyle?

Yes. Many. I often rely on the writing of other bloggers to inspire me, teach me, remind me, correct me and when other bloggers aren’t providing me with lots of food for thought, there’s a goodly number of terrific and very well informed readers here and at other blogs who have brilliant things to say about this way of conducting a relationship…and there are any number of essays on this topic; which is broad and diverse and it seems endlessly fascinating to me to explore them. And if that’s not all, there are authors of books, that I can occasionally get my hands on and I’m also quite lucky that I live in an area of the country which has developed a very sweet small community of responsible and skilled Dominants and some very experienced submissives with a terrific philosophy and boundaries. I learn by listening and watching. None of these are formal forms of mentoring…but I don’t always need anyone to take a formal role with me.

• Do you feel having a mentor is something that you want or need, in your personal situation?

Not on a formal level. No. As a submissive, I have plenty of experience. I don’t need a mentor other than my dominant mentoring me in what he wants. As a Dominant, I may watch and learn or listen and learn, but I don’t want any mentoring within my relationship, because, for me, that would interfere with my connection with the submissive. Its a very intimate and private experience for me. It requires undivided attention and for me to set the atmosphere. I know how to do that as a spiritual guide and teacher. I don’t need a mentor for that. It is a matter of continuing to advance along the lines of what feels fun and comfortable to me in conjunction with the personality and needs of my submissive whomever that turns out to be.

• Do you feel it is most effective that an experienced owner act as a mentor for potential slaves, or experienced slaves act as a mentor for those pursuing slavery?

I suppose that for many people relationship dynamics are a puzzle and they are likely struggling with all sorts of other relationships in their life because it is not their forte to focus on the subtle exchanges between self and Another. They are concrete thinkers and so its like Greek to them when all they know is English. Relationship dynamics is an unspoken language and a dominant must be fluent in it. A submissive will have an easier time of it, if she understands intellectually more of what’s going on between herself and her Dominant, but its not utterly necessary. It is really the Dominant who needs to understand this more than any other person in the situation.

• Have you mentored anyone else?

Mentoring is a part of my personality. I’m a natural teacher…and its a part of what I do here…so yes. I know that my influence has been a sort of mentoring with other people who read here and in my personal life in one way or another. I have never had a formal submissive or dominant student though.

• Is mentorship an arrangement you would pursue?

I would pursue learning techniques, but not for learning how to dominate. I would consult another dominant about something I felt perplexed about handling…but it would likely be something that would baffle any dominant, so it wouldn’t be a consultation on simple topics like how to get someone who is being stubborn to behave. I’ve got strong opinions about that already…based on being a submissive and on life experience and so far, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is about as good a training as anyone can get for being a dominant in a relationship. I certainly understand what not to do in a D/s relationship and what works to motivate someone. If you can’t motivate a teenager, you may as well give up on motivating an adult…especially an adult male.

I would not pursue a mentorship as a submissive. Submission is a matter of loving relationship and consistent instruction according to the dominant’s plan. Dominance on the other hand is a very complicated role. It can require someone to be disciplinarian, friend, counselor, guide, lover, comforter, mistress…the list goes on. Many people are not good at many of those roles and need some coaching to figure them out. I’ve got a good life experience under my belt and natural talents from being a spiritual teacher and guide for years now. And I am a parent of both brilliant, well adjusted children and very clever maladjusted children…and each of these children grew to be a pretty successful adult…so I think I’m a bit beyond the sort of mentoring this question is implying. Issue specific…? techniques…? That could be helpful, depending on the submissive..but no. I won’t seek anything formal, nor am I interested in offering mentoring beyond something I might write here or share in a normal conversation.

I was reading a recent post which Marcus wrote exclaiming about his love of his partner Deb. One line in that post riveted my attention. Its been twirling in my mind ever since:

When I am defeated, I want to be her prisoner.

That remark interested me. It is more of that making the insides and the outsides match. I am constantly fascinated by why/how people do that…especially people who enjoy pain with their pleasure. I am not sure why some people need to have an outer manifestation of an inner emotional state, but it seems to satisfy some need that releases energy inside them and the emotional dilemma is eased.

Spankos are famous for needing stress buster spankings after all. *smiles*

Many times in my life I have sought this situation..and I suppose that it rang a bell in my head about something to do with this fast that I’m engaging myself in emotionally…Something has slowly shifted in me in the past year or so…a growing sense of my own worth and holiness and my own sense that what’s going on outside myself with my relationships is simply not reflecting that inner sense in one way or another and that I am leaking power…so the fast is for getting filled up again.

With me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o0o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unconscious Mutterings

I say … and you think … ?

1. Groceries :: treats
2. Deodorant :: don’t use it
3. Psychic :: talents
4. Cherries :: with chocolate and chilies
5. Spooky :: stories around the campfire
6. Yogurt :: live cultures
7. Kitchen :: witch
8. Nothing personal :: detached
9. Be nice :: admonition
10. Delivery :: perfectly timed

Images by Marianna Rydvald