Its all in an image

Now I wish I had this image for this post. There are times when it seems like I should wait until I find the absolute right image for a post…this instance is one of them. Somehow I feel as if it would have made the post feel even more irrisistable to me when I read it back to myself than with the image I actually selected…*smiles*

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I was looking over the Submissive Journal Prompts that I missed while gone looking for an interesting question…I found this one:

• If your current relationship ended, would you seek to be owned again?

*sighs…* Indications are, that there will be an end in one or both of my current relationships. I am not assuming, nor pushing for that. The opposite in fact, but I am letting things unfold as they must for the best interests of all concerned. And I’m praying for connection in whatever way is best for me.

I was offered some spiritual guidance while I was away on my trip. It was frankly suggested that M was the only true Master in my life and that I should stick to sexual submissions in future and not try to get this need met that I have for emotional submission with anyone else.

That’s a hard pill to swallow.

I’m thinking about that. Often times, spiritual guidance is something that should be puzzled out and the person wait for further clarification…but this guidance was worded pretty specifically…I have yet to think of a way it could be interpreted differently from what I just shared…and I’ve been trying hard to do so. I assure you.

I do not want to face my life without that sort of relationship in it…and I guess that now I am measuring against M. I do not mean to…but there it is. I don’t find others fall short. Its not that kind of measuring. It is that I look for someone who could fill the basic need for sexual submission and offer me some aspect of submission that I never got to explore with M…so that I don’t feel any ghosts are in the room. Its meant that i simply can’t go for what I had with M on any level really. It would uncomfortable, because I had the real thing already in those areas…

However, I came away from my summer ceremony feeling a rise of dominance in me. Enough so that a whole plan for seeking submission from someone has unfolded in me in great detail. I have never experienced this before. It is happening for me the way I would conceive of creating a whole curriculum for training a student spiritually. And I am having intense, detailed fantasies for the play involved. I’ve been dripping wet for weeks about it.

Perhaps, I am being given the mirror image of what i can’t actually have in my life right now…

I don’t know.

So would I seek to be owned again? I don’t know. I learned a long time ago that flouting my spiritual guidance ends me up in a world of shit. Sometimes even following it does that. LOL!

• Have you ever wished you could reconnect with an ex-Master? How have you reconciled those feelings?

Yes. I love from a distance. My emotions are unwavering…but I am learning to miss softly…and I find grace in how I manage this from my relationship with Nature.

And from another week, this question:

• How do you communicate when you are angry/upset?

I think about what the issue is and try to speak about it calmly and with respect. I try to speak up in a way that explains succinctly why I am upset and I ask specifically for what I’d like instead. For some people that is a confrontational style of dealing with conflict…but I don’t see conflict as a negative thing, nor do I see it as a dominant or submissive sort of action. I see the word conflict as simply a signal that we need to find a way back to consensus about how we are conducting things together. It is a relationship thing. It is clarifying the relationship and dealing squarely with what stands in the way of it…both from within and outside the roles of D/s. It is important to approach with deep respect…and stick to that role when speaking up… I thin it is an obligation of both parties to speak up when there’s a problem. Many dominants seem to be uncomfortable with a submissive doing this, but I see it as an asset, because it means that I am not sitting on something that clouds future encounters with me. There’s no brooding…just honesty. On the other hand, it is just as important to step outside those roles sometimes…because sometimes the roles confuse gaining clarity on the relationship issues. Sometimes the role is down right in the way of getting to a good place together again, because a person is so invested in being one or the other role, that they are unable to see the big picture in the relationship. An example of this would be my husband’s inability to see that our relationship frequently suffered for years because he was putting everything first before it, nor would he talk to me about alot of things going on inside him emotionally and he was broody about those unspoken emotions. When it came to intimacy, after not having any time to connect with him for weeks on end and several weeks of grouchy broody behavior, I didn’t feel safe or appreciated when it came to intimacy. I didn’t want it. I would try to submit to it…but at best that just left a bad taste in both our mouths…and usually it was a hardship on the relationship to try to have intimacy under those circumstances. He wasn’t attentive enough to my feelings and needs sexually and he’d end up scaring me badly. *sighs..* So my submission wasn’t helping the relationship one bit. I had to step out of that role in order to change things between us to something that worked for us both. It took a long time to get there. My husband trains slow. *grins*

An Unconscious Muttering….

I say … and you think … ?

• Flicker :: Strobe
• Styling :: Hair
• Episode :: Manic
• Sexier :: Sexless
• Studious :: Smart
• Mushroom :: Shiitake
• 8 minutes :: in heaven (a child’s sex game)
• Bald :: Shiny
• Immunity :: Health
• Sectioned :: Divided