I was reading at Vespertine Erotica on Wednesday, taking a break from my editing work. Elizavetta did a post on Submission. I am stirred by the post, but especially this fragment of a sentence. It seems to capture some essence for me about submission that I’ve never been able to quite put into words. It is the essence of a need:
“forced to accept a fullness that I cannot provide myself”
- What was the moment where you knew for the first time… you were a slave/enslaved?
I don’t think I’ve ever seen myself as without any will of my own, ( I guess that’s my definition of enslavement…as being or behaving without will of one’s own) nor that my will is utterly surrendered to anyone in an ongoing way. I do certainly recognize moments when I was completely surrendered to someone. My recognition only comes later, because I’m too absorbed in the moment to notice. Those moments are very precious to me. They are so full of intimacy, soulfulness, love and grace….and such incredible eroticism. There has been more than one dominant in my life and so more than one moment. With my husband one special moment came to me when we were playing outside. We were beside a stream. It was the day after the first frost, so the air was cool, but the sun was warm. The sun was sparkling on the stream. I was on my hands and knees. He was inside me. He’d put a toy in my behind. Each thrust was a painful pleasure in a number of ways. He’d bound my hands and ankles. I was naked. If anyone came along, there was nothing I could do to cover myself or move to hide. I remember looking at my bound hands, the water in my peripheral vision, dazzling me and the sunlight creating another glint on my wedding band. I shifted deeply into subspace in that moment, thinking to myself that I was His and then I experienced a very rare event for me; a spontaneous orgasm that emptied me out completely. I knelt there drifting in his heat for me, feeling the orgasm wash over me, feeling all the sexual tension leave my body and then the mania of his thrusting taking my body over. The mania is convulsive orgasms that happen if my body continues to be stimulated following an orgasm that releases all the sexual tension. I was His…My mind was drifting and my body was convulsing and I was powerless to stop him. I couldn’t move and I felt my heart open up and join his. I felt waves of love passing between us. His hands were putting an intense heat in my bottom because he was spanking me loudly and very hard. I guess I had hand prints on me later… and then he came and my heart expanded and I spread out around us both, feeling our cum dripping down my legs and the chill air and these little experiences of our surroundings return to me slowly. He picked me up and released my bonds and took the toy out of me, washed me up and gave me back my clothes. It wasn’t until he’d settled me back in the seat of our car that I came out of the trance and when I did, I curled up and wept in his arms. It was a beautiful moment.
There are more questions listed there…but I didn’t feel like answering them this week…*smiles* They’re good questions though, so I hope you’ll take a look at them and see if any prompt some interesting responses from you.
- Purchase :: Louisiana
- Squeaky clean :: escape
- Blended :: family
- Wednesday :: Wed-nes-day (how I remember to spell the word)
- Function :: keys
- Look down :: and out
- July? :: In
- Raspberry :: Zerberts
- Assertive :: Topping
- Cracker :: and cheese
Bottom image by Jill Barton. Top image done by Michael Fraser. Cartoon from one of my IGoogle widgets.
Dear readers…if you please, answer this question:
If you could have a bit of whimsy today…something possible but highly unusual in your life, what would that be?
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June 19, 2008 at 8:21 am
Shannee, good morning.
You new cease to provide little tickles for my brain.
Forced but also needed.
Few people mention the space where the Dom goes when he realises that by chance or skill he has managed to send his sub exactly where she needed to be.
Absolute trust, you asked, here is a feeling that perhaps encapsulates it.
It’s a few days before Christmas, Mel and I have been shopping, buying provisions for the holiday, it is very cold. our house rules say that when we are alone Mel must be naked or have only a shirt of mine on.
Mel is very cold, I stand her in front of the fire and undress her, fetch a throw from the couch, strip myself. sit Mel in my lap and wrap both us in the throw. As we thaw out we achieve a rare “at- one-ness”, there is no me, no her, just us.
Clever cartoon, one doesn’t think that perhaps flowers need a break also.
I love the lists, they give interesting insights.
My whimsy, I know a really nice little subby girl lives in the suburbs of London, who is looking for a Dom partner, I’d really like to help her out.
beautiful summer day here, you have a good one dear girl.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
Good morning Paul!
The Dom’s head space…Mmmm…I think that’s really why the few blogs that are written by Dominants get such incredibly heavy traffic; because it is rarely discussed. Certainly submissives cannot really identify with it or understand it. Switches can. I have got that high from getting a person to where they needed to be as a guide, but I haven’t got to play enough as a top to have got someone where where they really needed to be. I tried, but so far as I know I’ve not achieved that. So…I feel alot of curiosity about that Dominant head space. Its rare that its described in a lucid manner. Its rare that its described by a man that I’d imagine myself submitting to. Most Dominants who bother to write yearn for things that achieve humiliation or degradation and I have a hard time getting beyond my emotions about the play involved in the story to listen closely to the descriptions of his head space.
What I can remark about is the knowledge of him getting there. I am there, but when I am in a trance like that, there is a part of my consciousness that is just quietly watching. Its not talking to me. Its just observing without any judgement. And so this part of my mind makes a note of what’s going on with my Dominant. There is a charge in the air when he gets to that space. It is like all his energy suddenly penetrates me. And yet, I am enveloped in this warmth. It says, ‘Mine’. It says, ‘I love you’. It shouts, ‘Yes! Success! I did it!’ And there is usually a sudden intense heat from his penis and lower chakras. He’s so turned on that he becomes driven to take me again if he’s not had an orgasm or could have one again given the chance. If he’s all done in too, he seems to just want to kiss me in a way that curls my whole being into a warm ball that wants to snuggle into him forever. And the biggest response seems to be a huge full being grin of satisfaction and joy that he got what he wanted out of me and pleasure in his own achievement. Nothing like a man with pride in his sexual and dominant prowess. Its both arousing and adorable. *smiles*
Oneness…Yeah. I guess that does encapsulate it. *smiles* I am so glad that you shared that with Mel.
And I think that you really ought to go talk to that submissive nearby. She’ll warm you and keep you company. You need that. And it would be fun to experiment with a woman you aren’t familiar with. It would spice your life up. That would certainly go very good for you. ((hugs)) I hope you do it.
Does that mean you’d stop all this lovely flirting you do all over blogland? I hope not. I like your flirting. *winks* You day sounds nice…Its overcast and cool here. The days have been starting out sunny and warm this week. Today is starting overcast. I don’t know if its supposed to clear up at all. I hope so. I’d like to see some sunshine today. Have a terrific day Paul. *kiss on the cheek*
June 19, 2008 at 9:53 am
My whimsy – A really perfect cup of dark coffee or tea in some side cafe in Berlin followed by rambunctious dew-drop chasing around corner after corner.
I’d take this option in other places too, like Ireland, Italy or some small town in Maine. :)
Dew-drop chasing….? Is that lingo for girl chasing? *winks*
((hugs)) Sounds good. *smiles*
June 19, 2008 at 10:21 am
Oh and on: “forced to accept a fullness that I cannot provide myself”
That sums it up rather nicely. Makes me angry though, that I can’t provide it myself.
That’s why I go to my summer ceremony…cause I can get that there. *smiles*
June 19, 2008 at 11:07 am
my whimsy…….slipping naked into a lake at midnight
Mmmm…with moon light…and if not all alone to meditate, then in the warm arms of a man with a hard on. *grins* I like your whimsy. *winks*
June 19, 2008 at 11:24 am
New here, and loving every word.
x
Hello Mickey!!! Welcome. I do hope you’ll say hello often now you’ve found your way here. There’s certainly lots of fun blogs out there to read too, so I hope you’ll check out the links page listed at the top of the home page. Blessings!!
June 19, 2008 at 11:32 am
I’m still dieing to fuck outside. But I don’t just wanna fuck, I want to make slow, sweet love in the sun. That’s my whimsy.
Get in the car and go do it silly woman. That’s all it takes. *winks*
June 19, 2008 at 11:54 am
My whimsy? To have a nice flirt with someone today, and to know it will be taken further down the road. Sweet anticipation…
That was a wonderful journal bit Shannee. Just wow.
Purchase :: product
Squeaky clean :: shiny
Blended :: coffee
Wednesday :: morning
Function :: meeting
Look down :: and see
July? :: 4th
Raspberry :: baret
Assertive :: ness
Cracker :: barrel (good place to eat!)
Oh, and i’m with comfy too, never done it outside yet…
A flirtation that goes some where…Yeah. That’s nice isn’t it Fuse? *smiles*
Thanks for remarking on the journal bit Fuse. It is something I’ve never shared before at all. Not anywhere. I felt a little bit naked about that one. I didn’t want to share any more afterward.
Love your mutterings. *smiles*
And I’ll say the same thing I said to comfy. Just go out and do it. And I can tell you right now that its just as fun to masturbate in the sunshine as it is to fuck. *winks*
June 19, 2008 at 2:57 pm
It takes darling being convinced into it as well. *frown*
Pssst! Tell you a secret…? Fantasy woman…gotta use fantasy on a man when you want something out of him. *winks* Make it sound like the most delicious sweet he could have…Do research on a spot too…the perfect one…no chance of being caught. At all. Include it in the fantasy. He’ll do it with you eventually. *grins*
June 19, 2008 at 7:05 pm
“forced to accept a fullness that I cannot provide myself”
Yes, there’s a lot in that little phrase, isn’t there :) I’m glad it triggered some pondering for you.
I like to fool myself into thinking that I don’t need other people, but that phrase reminds me of the truth that I do. And sometimes, being “forced” to accept that truth (through sexual submission, but also in other ways as well) is the only way I can get past my little illusion that I’m an island, a closed set, so to speak.
Your journal writing – what a beautiful moment in your life! Thank you for sharing it here.
Also, thank you for introducing me to Jill Barton. My goodness, I’m in lust with her work! I can’t stop gazing at her Quan Yin. what a wonderful, strong and modern interpretation of that goddess.
My whimsy?
A luxurious massage, in fact, the whole spa experience, that goes on for hours and hours. Touched and kneaded by wise and loving hands, surrounded by beautiful colors, soothing sounds… Lots of warm water and oils, heavenly fragrances, big long deep breaths… an unhurried and total immersion into a sensory world.
Mmm…An island. I think that’s part of why D/s is so needful for me too. I keep to myself emotionally so much. Much more than is good for me. Submission takes me out of that isolation too.
Jill Barton is really neat. I was looking at her site again last night and noted that her site doesn’t have as much of her work on it as it once did. I think that’s a big bummer. But her Quan Yin is lovely for sure.
Your Whimsy sounds just awesome. Its something I provide others alot, but don’t get myself very often at all. I hope you get your wish soon. *smiles* Its really nice to have you comment here Elizavetta. I hope you’ll stop by again soon!!!
June 20, 2008 at 12:59 am
My whimsy…camping with him, being naked in front of the fire, having his cock in my mouth, his hands explore me, and getting my ass heated up. Then snuggling into a sleeping bag and spooning all night.
A wonderful post, more wonderful comments.
Oooh! Camping…yeah. That’s a passion of mine too. Wonderful to have sex under the moon and stars and the warm summer air. *grins* I hope that one happens for you soon. ((Hugs)) Good to hear from you Alice. *smiles*