Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. – Zen Proverb
Its been a week or so since I’ve shared anything but stream of consciousness writing here. Its been a tough few weeks with my husband and I. He had some moments where he let his stress get the better of him a few weeks ago and hurt my feelings deeply. I’ve struggled alot about emotional intimacy with him since then. I’m working through it and was able to share some good moments with him in the past week. We spent some especially good time last night. We grilled some food and ate at our picnic table. We talked alot about our boys and the possibility of a new lover for each of us. We talked about me missing M. He’s so supportive of this grieving process I experience about M. I am deeply grateful for that…more than I can express. I got a spanking last night for the first time in a few weeks. And there was an exchange of energy between us last night that’s become unusual between us. He’s got to take medications that dull emotions slightly and make it difficult for spiritual energy to be exchanged. It just sort of keeps him contained within his body and it makes him slightly aloof from me in ways that leave me feeling so lonely for him so much of the time. I needed that connection with him last night so badly. I was deeply grateful for it…and the ease of sharing that emotion was because he’d been working in the hot sun all day and so was likely just dehydrated enough that the meds weren’t quite as effective as normal. He didn’t feel well last night. That’s a crappy exchange for getting some of the closeness I need from him…nevertheless, I feel so much better today that I can’t express it.
Better than I have in weeks.
I slept well too. I woke up dreaming of a meteor shower of all things. *rolls eyes* I think that’s odd. Never done that before. I wonder if fate is talking to me…? *smiles*
I now have all the components for making light catchers for gifts when I attend my summer ceremony. My husband and I got out the beads and gear for putting those gifts together last night and its all left on the table so that we can each settle in when we want and make some. There are sixty of the prisms and I have some other pretty enamel pendants that I’m putting together for gifts for some of the women. My husband and I really enjoy making things for ‘giveaway’. Its a part of my joy in going to my ceremony. Did I mention…? I call these light catchers rainbows. I give them away in honor of a very unusual gift I received. One day a few years ago, my husband and I were driving along between Gray ME and Auburn ME (locals will know which road I refer to) during a spotty thunder shower. The skies cleared in one spot and we found ourselves in the base of a rainbow. It was nearly a 1/4 mile wide and it was…well it felt like the light has become thick and full of love. It felt like the light had given me a gift of abundance that is so vast, I can share it freely for the rest of my life and I’ll never see the end of it. The light felt like it has a flavor and a scent. I don’t know why that is, but it felt still and beautiful…pregnant with beauty. So now on special occasions I make rainbows and give them to others. Most don’t even know this story. It just pleases me to share a little bit of that experience.
I was not tagged, but I liked the meme, so here’s my answers…
four unusual places you have had sex:
1. On a beach in mid afternoon in summer.
2. In a motel room. That’s not the unusual thing, the rest is that the shades were open and I didn’t know it.
3. in a church.
4. In a rest area.
four erotic books you’ve read:
1. Kushiel series by Jaquiline Carey
2. Beauty and the Beast by Anne Rice
3. Tantric Awakening by Brooks
4. Various erotic anthologies also
four of your favorite erotic zones (I answered this question about where it feels erotic to me to be caressed):
1. neck
2. ribs
3. inner thighs
4. labia
four sexy experiences you want to have: (must cheat; so many more than four)
1. make love to a woman
2. watch a man hallucinate while having sex with me
3. shibari
4. suspension bondage
four favorites:
1. position…toss up between missionary and cowgirl
2. sex toy…spanking paddles
3. porn…Behind the Green Door by the Mitchells
4. sexy music…That varies with my mood. I like music that feels like belly dance, yet soft and without a voice that utterly demands my attention. Right now Jewel is cool and so is Lorenna McKennett
four sexy things you like to wear:
1. My cleavage revealing orange shirt
2. short skirts
3. velvet anything…but especially green somethings
4. sarongs with nothing else
I don’t feel like tagging anyone, but I’d sure love it if you’d answer one of the series of four in the comments! And you lurkers out there…Would you please say hello maybe and do a series of four two? Comments are one of the fun parts of blogging. I don’t write for anyone else but myself foremost…still, this is a special sort of publishing in which there’s the possibility of interaction and its a great joy to me to see others enjoying what I write. I can get a great deal of gratification out of watching the stats page to see where folks come from when they read here and I can look at my feed burner pages and see who’s got a feed…that’s cool. I like knowing my stuff is being read a great deal…but god it sure is fun to talk to you too. *grins*
A great post on sexual affirmation by the Sexual Spiritualist.
I wanted to say something about one of the four answers…the one about sex with a woman. I don’t find every woman I meet especially erotic personally. I see women in the way I see art…as something with lines I like to view. I enjoy looking at women. I enjoy looking at men no less. There is always a great deal of arousal when looking at men that’s not there with nearly all women. It is very rare for me to look at a woman and think, I wonder what she looks like all over when she has an orgasm? It is even more rare for me to think…I would like to cause that orgasm…It is so rare that I can recall the face of every woman I have ever seen who made me think that last because its less than the sum of my fingers and toes. Sadly each was out of reach…and that mostly because there was too big a gulf of fear about making a pass at her. *smiles*
I read a post about dealing with the Ego and also about being humble. Good post on those topics for sure. However, as a person with personal experience of low self esteem, it seemed to me there were some points missing that address this Western culture emotional issue. I asked Shambavi about this. Her answer was given in this post. This post has some suggestions for connecting with the Vajra Pride or the Buddha self which knows its beauty and worth. If you are interested in Tantra, Living Tantra is an excellent resource for discovering ways to apply the principles of Tantric practice into daily life.
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May 8, 2008 at 9:07 am
Oh, I forgot to mention what m said–that anyone can do it!
I really like what you had to say here about comments. I agree. oatmeal girl was posting the other day about comments . . . and wondering why some posts get them and some posts don’t. I was thinking this morning that I especially comment when the writer invites me to, like you just have, or when she asks a question. I really like the dialogue too and there is nothing more fun than connecting with people . . . makes me feel a little like it’s a group journey.
Your evening sounds wonderful–you and your husband sound amazing together, and I’m glad you had such a nice time.
Hello! Gee, I’m glad you decided to say hi! *happy grins* I agree that sometimes its perplexing about why people do or don’t comment. One of the things I’ve noticed in my own commenting patterns is that I tend toward silence when I’m left thinking so deeply I don’t know where to start. That happens here I’m sure, because I muse about deep stuff frequently. I also think that sometimes the comments become such a conversation here that people think they might be interrupting if they say something…Which couldn’t be further from the truth. The more the merrier!! And I have noticed that when my Reader is especially packed with really good stuff, I just can’t possibly comment on them all, so I just go yack only on the ones I feel I could actually contribute something to the conversation…
Go figure. Comments are fun and if I get them that’s just ducky…but I’ll never stop writing even if no one says another word to me. *smiles*
I sure hope you’ll say hello again.
May 8, 2008 at 10:43 am
Shannee, you missed yesterday, I wondered what was up.
I’m glad that things are working out for you.
I’m glad that you see spanking as a form of spiritual connection, not only that but physical and emotional as well, for Mel and I it was the most intimate of all lovemaking, it was completed by vaginal, anal or oral, the trust involved is immense.
Unusual places,
in a Pullman of the Orient Express,
in a cemetery,
in a two man canoe, with difficulty,
in a stall in a busy stable.
erotic zones
Neck,
nipples.
anus
scrotum
Shannee, next week is Wesak, sometimes called The Buddhas birthday, this is a time of great spiritual outpouring and a time for charging batteries, I never miss meditating during this full moon, I have always benefited greatly.
Blessèd be and warm big hugs,
Paul.
Hello Paul, I rather missed having my connections here for comments…yours in particular. I have been finding my writing has been coming in clusters sandwiched between dry spells. They’ve been falling in a pretty good pattern for the most part. I haven’t seemed to be running out of material ready to publish before another cluster of writing comes along. Not this time. I haven’t felt a strong pull to write anything since Saturday on my private blog and Thursday or Friday here…This morning it hit me again. I was glad. Still have nothing for tomorrow though, so unless something else occurs to me, we’ll try for Saturday I guess. *grins*
I’m so glad that you did some of the four questions! Yay!
Oooh…A cemetary. I could have added that one myself. Totally forgot about that time.
Wesak is something new for me. I learned about it last year, but I have never participated in any possible traditions for honoring Buddha’s birthday. I should look this up and study it more, I think. I would love to hear more of what it is that you do during your meditations if it is not a private experience for you.
Always good to hear from you Paul. Happy Thursday!
May 8, 2008 at 8:33 pm
It’s really good to hear about you feeling better about the connection with your husband. I agree with your ideas about comments. I’ve always written for darling, but it’s become more about me over the years. It’s funny that you should mention being able to smell and taste the air in a rainbow. I’ve been in one and I thought I tasted it too. Sorta sweet, almost like a banana. It was like breathing whipped cream. It coated my nose and throat and everything. I’ll post the foursome questions on my blog.
*smiles broadly* Comfy, I think I have met another person who has been through a rainbow, but somehow I just never shared the scent and taste thing with them. We just were in awe of the colors and how beautiful it felt, like the light was caressing us. But…it tasted like every wonderful fruit I have ever had….and thick with sweet. I reminded me viscerally of being in Hawaii and the air was so full of sweet life it was thick in the nose.
It was one of the most lovely experiences of my life I think. Something to tell my grandchildren. Its been awhile since I gave my kids any rainbows, now I think on it. *smiles* I think I will…((hugs))
You know, I think that blogging tends to be a process that changes over time. I started out just wanting a place to flirt…and then I wanted a place to think out loud about dating….and then it was to explore concepts about sexuality and erotic writing…and then it was about teaching and expressing my emotions about loving…and then it was about teaching in general…now it is simply about writing. I write what I feel. I write about art, about spirituality, about love, needs, purpose, accomplishment, loss. I just need to write because that’s what I am. A writer.
Among other things….*smiles* I am very sure that you will continue to evolve with your writing also. I’ve been watching you move from being tentative and shy as a writer to being a woman comfortable in her world and sexuality…avid to express her loving. That’s been a joy to watch unfold. As one of your readers, I have to say that I look forward to watching further unfoldment. *winks*
May 9, 2008 at 3:06 am
*giggles*
four sexy experiences you want to have:
1. mmf encounter
2. want S to bring me to orgasm with his fingers in a restaurant
3. give my buddy G a bj in a dark alley
4.
four sexy things you like to wear:
1. short skirts no panties
2. 1/2 sarong nothing else *grin* one you do you won’t want to wear anything else!
3. black seamed stockings, garter belt and heels
4. my black with leather strapped bikini
four unusual places you have had sex:
1. Back of a car speeding down the NJ Turnpike
2. on a park bench
3. On the beach
4. In a Cemetary
The rainbow sounds fantastic. *nodding at the Hawaii comment* And both of you being enveloped in one…aaahhhh…..sweet!
It’s not that I don’t ever look a men….I do but not with the same intensity as I view women. *grin*
Yanno, sometimes I don’t comment because I don’t have the time-like in the morning. Then when I come back later…other comments have expresed what I was thinking just as well or better. At other times, I’m left either speechless and need to think more to make a coherent comment, lol.
You mentioned something to Paul tho that struck at me…I find that when I’m happy….I seem to write less. And don’t write easily about my happiness….as if the blogging takes a quicjer route to the cathartic. I need to tap the creativity in peace more often.
((HUGS))
Do they even have dark alleys in Hawaii? The damned moon is so intensely close that even when its the dark of the moon its lighter than here. LOL!
MMF…? Ooh baby that’s fun. I likely. *grins* My husband has indulged me to that one twice. The second time was alternative, cause I got a simultaneous spanking that was to die for. *happy sighs…*
GF…any sarong gives the sense of there’s no going back to anything less comfy in summer time. I only put on a bra and tank to make the public happy…otherwise, its only a sarong if I’m not doing any work or hiking.
What’s with the cemetary thing? I thought I was the only oddball on the planet about that. *winks*
Mmm….I’m feeling happy the last few days. Each time I happen upon a thing/experience/person which brings me great joy, I am not sure yet what I want to share of it with others, so I remain silent awhile and hug it to myself until I figure that out. *smiles*
Thank you for doing the four meme. I enjoyed reading your responses.
May 9, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I just wanted to say thank-you for the lovely reading…I am very happy I stopped by and hope to visit your site again…with two little ones time does not afford me many opportunities to indulge in reading and commenting…but am happy I did…would love to read more…I am afraid my four answer meme would appear boring to most…my imagination is far more adventurous than my reality :-)Best wishes, Terpsichore
Hello Terpsichore! Thank you for saying hello. I certainly understand about being a Mommy. I hope that I’ll be one of the reads you indulge in and that you’ll say hello the next time you have some time for relaxing with blogs. Its good to hear from you. Big blessings!!