Have you ever lived moments in your mind with a potential lover…? And then find the juicy potential that never happened kinda haunts you every once in awhile…? These are some of mine:
We are laughing together and I gaze up at him with a pert remark on my lips, not realizing he’s so close as he is. Hazel brown eyes hover close to my face, filling my vision. They are warm and smiling; serious too as the desire to discover consumes him… The remark goes unspoken and my smile fades as I see the kiss in his eyes. His fingers slide into my hair, cupping my head, a strong arm encircles my shoulders and I feel my breasts pressing against his chest…and those eyes bow to watch my mouth coming closer for a first kiss…My heart sings with gladness that I can touch him finally and enjoy the simple pleasure of this sweet erotic feeling between us. I wait for him to deepen the kiss, savoring every second of his warm mouth on mine…I can feel a giggle of joy at having him in my arms build in my throat. I can’t hold it back and I start laughing into his mouth. I break the kiss with an uncontrollable smile. He lifts his head with a question. I shake mine to never mind and pull him close again…
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“Come here Sweet…” I crawl over the bed closer to him, not quite in reach, but close enough to be mostly obedient. He knows I am teasing him a little, but he watches me sit back on my heels and wait. I can see his pleasure at my acceptance of his dominance, even if I’m teasing him, and when he sees me waiting patiently for his next command, he grins at me with that rakish smile he has. His deep voice, so full of passion, chuckles in a way that makes me zing in all the juicy places. He grabs my arm and playfully tugs me over his lap. Laughing, I let his tug toss me into his lap just the way I know he wants. I can feel his work roughened hands rubbing my bottom in anticipation of our first spanking….”Ah Sweetness, I am going to enjoy spanking you…” His voice slides over me like an orgasm and I shiver with anticipation, spreading my legs a little and arching my back unconsciously. A stinging smack fills my ears with rushing blood and I can hear a gasp from far away…My own. He’s already got my full attention. There is nothing in the world but his hands and the heat he’s raising in my skin…and the languid desire for him to take me in hand…
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The force of his gaze pins me…I begin to pant waiting to see what he’ll do. He watches me like a predator, letting the tension build between us. I am trembling with desire and nervousness. He grabs my bra between my breasts and jerks me closer. I stumble against his chest, feeling I should offer obeisance in some way instead of staring back at him, but I feel immobilized, unable to look away from him. “Don’t cum now girl.” I can feel a whimper gathering in my throat at that command, knowing it will be torture. He uses one foot to force my stance wider, slides his hands under my skirt and around my panties. Fabric out of his way, he puts his hand between my legs, forcing fingers inside me… I gasp at the sensation of warm fingers sliding over my clit and my sweet spot and I feel my knees go weak…I grab for his shoulders to steady myself and watch him smile as my face scrunches up, holding my breath, trying my hardest to obey an impossible command, as he rubs my gspots in ways that make my whole body quiver in the urgent need to buck in a shuddering orgasm. He lingers at the task of teasing me, watching me intently as I struggle. A smile plays around his mouth. I manage to mostly control the orgasms and he listens to the whimpers with every apparent enjoyment. Relenting, a warmth fills his gaze…”Cum for me now…” I cry out loud and obey, feeling that gaze of his reach into me and drink that orgasm out of me like my eyes are his straws….
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We are showing each other our toys for the very first time. He has got some rope. Beautiful thick rope that’s lovely for bearing weight without hurting muscles and joints. I touch its softness, picking it up. Its heavy, good rope. I feel so aroused by it. Images rush through me of being tied and helplessly His….and then an emotion washes over me. I feel my heart open up wide and rushing…In that moment, I realize nervously how much I adore him…how much I want those ropes on my body. Not just because they turn me on so. Not just because I want to be helplessly His for the moments he chooses to use me….but because I want him to ‘Keep’ me. I am stunned. It is too soon to feel this deep about him. But I do. I am stunned…and I am smart enough to suddenly realize that I have feelings that should not be met in kind….that these beautiful ropes are symbolic to me of a ring or a collar…of a vow, he has no right to make to me. I can see his pleasure that I’ve picked up the rope and am holding it and touching it. I can see the arousal in his eyes as he watches me to find out what I want most from him just now. I know that whatever I show deep interest in this moment, he’ll do…
I set the rope down with a heavy heart. He asks me why I seem troubled. I could be silent and change the subject and plaster a bright smile on my face and head us in another direction…Its what’s right and what I ’should’ do. “Should…” Should is a box of fear. Do I want to be small in his arms? Do I allow myself to hide from him? No. I decide no. Instead I take up the rope and let it pool in my lap, hugging it with a tremulous smile…He told me that he’s not afraid of my loving heart. I’m going to trust him to his word and let him know how I feel…let him decide if he wants to put these lovely ropes on me and if or when its right to do so, I will accept them on my body, knowing he is completely aware of what it means to me. I get on my knees, look into his beautiful blue eyes and confess my feelings…months sooner than I should have most likely…but I am brave and honest and I trust him with my heart all the way…
Missed moments.
Each not meant to be…
‘What if’ is a very potent elixir don’t you think?
April 23, 2008 at 7:48 am
Shannee good morning, fascinating, what if.
The start of many journeys, some exhilarating, some frightening, and some full of terror.
Your examples are all in the sexual realm, as they should be as you are a queen in this realm.
Is there a tinge of fear and excitement when you offer your submission, after all a queen doesn’t submit easily.
My what ifs are, what if the bomb missed, and I grew up with my parents???? What if, I hadn’t meet Mel when I did. What if, I’d been born a sub rather than a Dom. What if, I’d stayed at the orphanage until they chucked me out.
So many what ifs in a long life, trust you to make me think, thanks, big smile.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
These what if’s that you have shared…Mmmm…These I have also asked myself so many times in my life. What if my mother had wanted me? What if she wasn’t so jealous of me should couldn’t stand the site of me? What if I’d never been raped? What if I hadn’t had my child…or with the man I did? What if I”d never met my husband…? Or M? Who would I be?
I gave up those questions. I don’t quite remember when. But when they stopped coming to me, I came to fully understand that I love who I am. If even one of those things had been different, no matter how terrible or terrifying, I would be someone…other. Me…the me that exists just now, exists only because of every single event that occurred and which formed to into me. So I am grateful to my mother, to my rapist, to my unfaithful first husband, to my difficult children who taught me of patience and unconditional love and to my husband and M who have each taught me in their own way to be brave emotionally and also they have healed my heart of those wounds that my parents caused.
So…I am able to revel in my sensuality and in the love that goes with it. And the dignity that was once stolen from me and hard won back is indeed not easily relinquished. A Queen…Gee that makes me smile.
The examples I shared each share a very special quality of emotion that I wish I had explored fully…sooner or got to explore at all. Delighted sweet friendship; the submission of my creative being; the full submission of my will as well as something…indefinable that expanded my heart into another level of consciousness: and the fuller exploration of my lutter devotion for M…sooner instead of very, very late…really too late.
These are the things that I wonder…How would I have been formed had I had these experiences of the heart in the past two years?
Something in me was afraid each time…I could not be brave enough in some way to face my emotions…the barriers within me in order to let it unfold.
Respectively…my fear of jealousy: my fear of being alone with a biting constant neediness that felt so horrid it I was afraid I would die of it…even though I knew I would not; a fear of being hurt emotionally and utterly powerless to prevent it; the fear of being rejected.
The Lakota people teach that “bravery is a requisite virtue because life demands it.” In each case, my heart could be shattered by another person…or humiliated and rejected. In each instance, I was not brave enough.
I wish to be brave of heart.
Will I have the courage for the next opportunity? Will one of these opportunities every come my way again?
These are the questions of my heart these days…no longer the ones which already formed me, but the ones which are forming me. I want to pay attention within the now so that I may Become.
Wow…I had no idea all that was in me today. I do this sort of thing emotionally when I have moon time. You got me going on this one too…*smiles*
Thank you for the exchange today Paul. Bless you.
April 23, 2008 at 8:06 am
I used to what if all the time. What if my father got custody? What if my mom were healthy? What if I fell in love with my best friend from high school instead of darling? What if a lot of things? I find for me that it tends to bring sadness when I play the what if game. So I try to avoid it. I know the answers to all the good IF’s already so it’s better to dwell on those.
Mmmm….You have the right of it in the end. My what if’ing today is more a reminder of what happens…how I feel when I fail to be brave. ((hugs)) Thank you my wise friend.
April 23, 2008 at 10:33 am
Every breath I take in the now is a potential ‘what if’, yes? It’s already done. I like the now. *smiles*
But, with that said, I like your missed moment. *tripping off to work wet and drippy*
I am surrounded by very wise women. *grins* And I was just writing another post for Friday on this very topic. LOL! Great minds think alike I guess.
I like these moments too…because crystallized in these moments are the emotions I feel for each of these men. They are stark and vulnerable and full of the heart and soul of me. I wrote them also because I need very much to recognize in myself that I am that woman I might have been in those moments. I don’t have to have those moments to be the her I might have been had the moment really happened.
I am a glorious erotic friend.
I am an inspired accomplished muse and sweet in every part of my being.
I am tender, soft and vulnerable…wholly submissive….I bend and yield completely and therefore I am and always will be more powerfully resilient, more rooted in my power, than any Dominant’s action upon me.
I am His…even if we are not together and I shall always be unchangingly and unconditionally loved by Him.
I do not have to have these moments for this to be true. So…the post is a good reminder. ((hugs))
Aloha Rosa.
April 23, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Gaaaaaaaaa….this is what I’m being with these days, not only with sex but everywhere I look in life.
And all I’m able to do is to focus on breathe in breathe out, merge with the flower in front of me, the sky above me, the sidewalk when I walk, and the eggs when I cook. Huge speerchul practice times for me.
The visions are sweet, sexy, juicy, spicy ones, sweetie…hold them as sacred.
Many hugs!
My juicy wommin friend. My thoughts are with you. ((big hugs))
April 24, 2008 at 1:03 pm
bravery is doing something even though you’re scared to……….it is an ultimate surrender to a need to be present and true.
beautiful vignettes my juicy friend
m
Margie! I love when you visit. *happy grins* Rosa and I are determined to get to you to blog here instead of that friendly site. I’ll even let you use my id….I swear! *grins*
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