This’n that

I went to Fort Williams again on Tuesday. Spent the most of the afternoon, listening to the waves and meditating. Lovely day…

My date day with my husband on Monday was sweet. We went to a movie. Did some chores together that we wanted to get done too. It was a quiet day as a couple. I wasn’t feeling well. I seem to be hovering between heading full on into menses and….not. Tuesday I felt fine. *rolls eyes* Waiting for menopause is annoying. *grins*

A story about Jazz and me…*sly smiles*

I was in my 20’s and I met a guy I liked. He was in his 40’s. Self assured. I wasn’t. Comfortable with his sexuality. I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure what he wanted from me. He was so off hand about spending time with me. He’d just show up and expect me to pay attention and then he’d disappear. Well, he finally got me naked. I was undone emotionally. I felt dominated by him. Never been with a man who treated me like that. There was no sadistic behavior at all…but I can tell you that he was a giant of a man. He was way over 6 feet tall. I have no idea by how much. But I barely reached his shoulder at 5′4″. He had huge hands that I felt manhandled by sometimes. I was a tiny, skinny little thing then. He could nearly grasp half my waist with one hand. And yes. He had a gargantuan cock. About 12 inches. He got me naked and I took one look at him and started weeping. I wanted him really badly…but I was seriously intimidated by what he had in his pants. I didn’t think it could possibly fit and I was scared he’d hurt me, but I was utterly in to pleasing him. I didn’t even remotely understand myself about that, but I was seriously upset that I didn’t think I could please him and that I wouldn’t get to lay him after all, ’cause I really liked him. He laughed at me when I answered his question about why I was crying. He said, you think this won’t fit after you had an 8lb baby? I thought he’d fall off the bed!

When I thought about what he said, I started laughing with him, but I still didn’t think it would fit without pain. He told me not to worry about it and he put on some Jazz. He got to me to lay with him for several hours while we dozed and listened to jazz and he slowly worked his cock into me while we spooned. I was utterly relaxed and mostly asleep when he started to fuck me in earnest. I didn’t even realize he’d got all that in me until he was working his way toward an orgasm.

That’s not the only Jazz memory I have, but it is a sexy one.

And now here’s a spanking story…

Sunday night, I felt so pleasantly tired, that I went to bed with a book at about 8pm. I enjoyed my book. There was nothing on tv to hold my husband’s interest and he’d worked outside all day long, so it wasn’t long before he was upstairs with me too. We snuggled for awhile and I kept reading my book. Finally, I started feeling irritable about him being in my space….and restless. I felt restless in all ways. Enough to want to jump out of bed and find something to do. But i was tired, so I just laid there and thought about it. He was almost asleep when I asked him for a spanking. I said it on impulse and as soon as I did, I realized that’s why I felt irritated and restless….because I needed a spanking. He sat right up and gave me one. It was hard. The first really hard one I’ve had in a couple weeks. It felt good. He started with his hand through my thin acrylic and spandex black long johns that I like to wear under skirts. They are just like having panties on only they keep on going. *smiles* He didn’t take them down until he’d got me squirming and moaning and had me cumming a bit.

Then my pants came down and he had his warm hands on my bare bottom and it felt soooo good. I burrowed in to the pillows and sighed. And he soon had me wriggling again. He got out one of his wooden paddles and spanked me hard with it too. *sighs…* It was exactly what I needed. I felt all the tension just go right out of me. I got all trancy and relaxed and all I wanted to do was snuggle in to a spoon position with him and go to sleep. He saw me relax and pulled my pants back up and then we snuggled in to sleep. I slept real good.

This week’s animated jiggle.

This is a silly song, but you may not want to play this at work.

Here’s this week’s Submissive Journal Prompts:

What is your motivation in your service?

Love, sometimes healing also.

“All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours.” -Robert Browning

That’s a good quote for how I submit…I like!
Tell a story about some of your favorite marks.

I don’t feel like a story….but my favorite marks to date have come from M’s spankings. Some came up on my nipples from a leather paddle I got him from Leather Thorn Paddles. Some came up on my bottom from a mahogany paddle he made us for spanking me just before we split. None of them ever lingered longer than a day or two. But my butt was sore for several days from the wooden paddle.
What are you owners requirement for your dress (or undress)?

Husband has been asking that I wear some sexy lingerie that I’ve been collecting in the last six months. Stockings, garter belt, lacy panties…that sort of thing. He’ll get up on date day and tell me what he wants me to put on after my shower or just before we do a spanking. Recently I got some fetish high heels that he’s pretty fond of too.
Can you submit when trust has been broken? Can trust ever be rebuilt?

I can submit when there’s a partial breach of trust as in, when we’ve both learned from the incident after mistakes were made. But a serious breach in trust requires some serious effort at rebuilding trust and yes. It can be rebuilt, but only if we both work for it. I have to work toward letting it go and offering trust even when I’m scared and he has to behave much differently and work very hard with me about making things feel safe again…and most of all be consistent about it. Both have to happen, or the breach of trust cannot be mended. There is a point at which trust cannot be mended with me though. I will not award trust to anyone who just does what he wants, apologizing only to mollify me.

Paul had a joke going…don’t know what the outcome of it will be…but I’ve got no answer for the question. *grins*