Erotica: Mind Games

Another little excerpt from my novella Flame. Those who have read other tidbits of this story will remember that this story is being told in a journal format. © 2007 Shannee Green

March 2011

Yet another raise from Michael….He frequently tries to dominate me. His sexual plans have continued to be just as creative and inventive as that trip to Switzerland. This last time he took me to a sex show. The show was something like a circus stage act, full of dramatic pretzel sort of movements and postures that they fucked in….Impossible for the normal person to do…culminating with a bdsm scene…the woman in the scene was bound and fucked, then bound and spanked, the flogged, then forced into oral sex and fucked again….All by different tops. I was entranced….

He never once tried to get me to change my mind about letting him do bdsm with me during this trip….up until that moment, I had thought this made a nice change.

He had asked for a sex scene this time that sounded really fun to me at the time he emailed me prior to the trip to let me know what he’d like this time sexually….He had said he wanted to take me to a restraunt he knew of in Europe. It specialized in semi private rooms. He wanted me to get under the table and suck him off. He wanted me to wear a silk blouse with no bra that night and a skirt that I could sit on him and ride him without any constraint from the fabric….A little slightly indiscreet public sex…sounded fun to me at the time.

In context with this show, that scene was blatantly D/s; a finely crafted mind fuck is what it was….and I was both incredibly irritated with him about that given the clear and very firm boundary I’d set with him. He was honoring the letter of my boundary while completely ignoring the spirit of it…and I’m damned impressed at his ingenuity at seducing me. Being impressed with it just pissed me off even more.

When we got t o the restaraunt…I was very irritated and he knew it. He just watched me with calm eyes and waited to see what I’d do. I looked back at him and made a decision that I’d refuse the next payment from him and any further dates. I gave him his sex scene though. I had promised and I was way too aroused not to….

When he saw that I had refused payment yesterday, he flew home to talk to me. I was prepared. I just knew we were about to have a fight….

I expected him to be pushy. He wasn’t. He was totally respectful. He admitted that he’d been slowly manipulating me. I told him that I didn’t like that. He said that it aroused him to push me and seduce me…and in the basic scheme of things, he didn’t see that it was anything more than harmless fun….He pointed out that he never carried that sexual atmosphere of D/s outside the bedroom with me…that it was always within context of sex…which was always well within the bounds of what I had said that I thought was fun and arousing.

I was even more pissed off that he made sense. I told him that he was still manipulating me again just in the conversation; that he was still handling me.

He got a huge grin on his face and said… “Well I do want to get my way on this after all. I’m having fun.” I could only laugh at him about it. How can I stay mad at that…? And yet I was. He was still manipulating me.

I am feeling worn down by him….I feel less and less in control of this and he seems to be learning to manipulate my arousal and my emotions further with each trip. I don’t want to loose control of the situation. I want to have my sense of separateness. I finally told him that submission means a certain sort of emotional surrender that goes deep with me…that I cannot give it unless I’m in love all the way…the marriage kind of all the way…and that playing in that way is full of meaning and emotion for me….emotions that I simply don’t want to explore in this context.

I told him that I just don’t want him poking me that way…He agreed to be more sensitive and I told him that if it happened again, I was going to terminate with him. He sighed in frustration about the whole thing….he said that this was arousing to him and he’d appreciate a certain measure of indulgence from me. I told him that what he’d done so far was as far as I wanted to be pushed…that if he kept along those lines, that I would accept it but no more. I looked him in the eye and said. “Michael…You are a very intelligent man. You know exactly what I mean. I mean it when I say don’t push me any farther on this. I am a calm surface with you almost all the time…you’ve no idea of the depth of pain you are poking at here….Leave it be. I don’t want to terminate with you. I’m having fun!

April 2011

This last trip with Michael was even more unnerving. My arousal is growing. He is making it harder and harder to not turn to him and tell him to spank me or to give him some other sort of submission. I ache to cave in on this boundary….and he knows it. He’s truly enjoying making me suffer for the boundary. I have never experienced a mind fuck like this…he’s really good at it.

This last time he took me to Switzerland again and rented a posh room, hiring a couple to have an entire sex scene that culminated in a spanking…They didn’t do anything fancy…but the couple was the real thing. They had a relationship that was fantastic…she did what he wanted with just hand gestures and she was really good at each sex act. I learned from her. She deep throated him, rode his cock for what seemed forever in a pose he demanded she hold that made me ache to watch. She stood on her feet, balanced only by her hands on her knees and rose up and down on him without rest. I could see her belly flexing on his cock. She was doing keigals to make herself tight for him….She rode him for 30 minutes like that while he took a flogger to her body. She didn’t flinch at all. I was astonished…..and very aroused.

When they were through, Michael thanked them politely as if they’d sung a song, tipped them and let them out. He didn’t touch me the whole time, nor after. He asked me to dress for the symphony and then we left.

The sex act that Michael had asked me for was to fuck him in the mens room in the concert hall we went to that night. He wanted me to openly walk in, go in a stall with him, take my clothes off, toss them over the door and bend over to take it and he wanted me to be noisy….and then dress, go out, wash my hands and leave as if I’d been in the women’s room…ignoring the men completely.

He didn’t fuck me at all that night except then. I was wild to have him that night, but he went to bed alone. We’ve always kept the separate rooms, so that I could have my private time. I was very frustrated.

I had told him when he asked for this men’s room fantasy that I didn’t know if I could do it. I promised that I would try though.

I was so aroused by what we had watched…He told me that there would be no further sex that weekend unless I did what he asked about the men’s room…and he wanted me to know that he had several more such shows planned for our trip.

I was in a twist the whole show, thinking how at any moment he was going to ask me to go fuck him. He waited until after intermission just as the last few were finding their seats to see the second half and then took me in the mens room. I heard a few gasps from the women nearby who were still socializing over their intermission champagne and the men just held their cocks while they pissed in utter bemusement and watched me walk in the stall on Michael’s arm. He had a light in his eyes that night….

I did it though. I went in that stall and I stared him right in the eyes and I took my gown off as Michael watched. The men’s room was utterly silent. I kicked my high heels off. I rolled my stockings off and then tossed them over the door with my dress. Last came the bra and panties and those too went on the top of the door. I heard a few gasps from the other side of the door. I could feel the lust emanating from Michael. He was standing there so virile and handsome in his tux and I was shivering naked and barefoot surrounded in chill porcelain. “Turn around.” His soft voice sounded like a shout and echoed in the room. I did and bent as I knew he’d want me to, putting my hands on the tile behind the toilet. I spread my feet to straddle the toilet, so that he could get to my sex. Michael just looked at me and then I heard his zipper go down in the silence. I couldn’t help myself I inhaled sharply and that sound echoed in the room like I’d shouted.

He shoved himself inside me abruptly. I moaned in response to him sliding that mushroom top across my gspots and clenched in spasms over the stimulation. “Beg me for it…” His ragged whisper was loud…

I was silent. I looked over my shoulder at him and glared….I didn’t like him taking this into D/s. I began to pull away. His hands grabbed my hips and he pounded me several more times, knowing that would make me cum again and I’d be more likely to give in to him.

“Do it…”

“Please…” Was all I could manage. It wasn’t what I meant, but it sounded like what he wanted, so despite him knowing full well what I meant, he gave it to me and acted like I’d done it…He fucked me long and vigorous. I moaned for him obligingly and authentically. It sounded so loud in that room…that was now full of the sounds of panting and it wasn’t just our panting in there…and I just knew that my moaning was loud enough to be heard outside that room. Finally Michael came with a throaty groan and pulled me close. Very quietly, so as not to be overhead, he whispered thanks to me. He helped me wipe up and to get my underthings on. When I only had my dress left, he went out to wash his hands, deliberately leaving me to come out alone. I was so nervous, I could hardly breathe.

Trembling, I left the stall and looked only Michael in the eye. He was waiting in my direct line of sight, so I didn’t have to search the room. I smiled at him and held my head high. I washed my hands calmly and smoothed my hair and examined my makeup, making a small repair to my lipstick. Satisfied with my appearance and that I’d given Michael exactly what he’d asked me for, I took his arm and walked out the door….to the sound of clapping. I didn’t look back, and neither did Michael. He leaned in again and kissed my earlobe, smiling at me intimately. I smiled back a tight smile….still feeling upset with him about the begging. He knew he’d pushed me with that one in a way I’d asked him not to. I was silent the rest of the night.

When we got back to the room he didn’t touch me again that night. He went to his room.

I know damned well that he wanted me. I could feel it. He was teasing me. It pissed me off. I had watched the rest of the show and resolved that I would stay in my room that night. He clearly had known that’s what I was thinking, so he did it instead.

*sigh…* He really irritated me. I resolved that there would be no sex the next night.

I must be transparent or something…cause the next day, he pulled me on to his lap and fucked me while the same couple was doing another show for us. I was so aroused, that I didn’t protest. I’d forgotten I’d resolved not to have sex in the heat of the show…This time The man had the woman stand on her toes and hold her ankles while he fucked her as fast as he could. He told her to cup his cock hard for him with her pussy. Her belly was all drawn up as she did what he asked for with squeezing his cock. When he had fucked her that way for awhile, she took it in the ass for him while he stuffed her with toys and tortured her nipples. When Michael started to fuck me, the man watched avidly, so Michael contrived to pull my skirt up so that he could see us joined together. I came. I couldn’t stop myself.

Michael didn’t touch me again the rest of that night….and that was the pattern of the whole trip. He hardly fucked me at all this trip….but he teased me the whole time. I was so aroused I could hardly stand it.

He didn’t ask me for any more subservient behavior thankfully. He was completely solicitous and made himself a very pleasant companion, but unless we were watching the couple, he didn’t touch me again for the rest of the trip. He didn’t ask me for another trip as yet either. That usually means it will be at least three weeks until I see him again. And he’s left me feeling mad with lust. Not to mention, feeling really frustrated with him about pushing me. Cause all he did was push me…but in no overt way that I can explain or even directly complain about. When I find words for it, I’m going to chew his ass though. I just need to find words first. Grr!

© 2007 Shannee Green