Sub and Dom drop are a common complaint amongst those who practice kinky sex. There’s a variety of reasons for this. The most likely is that the energy of the experience was built beyond the body’s ability to cope. This can cause really uncomfortable symptoms, such as nausea, emotional upset, exhaustion, inability to stay awake…even manically bouncing around emotionally.

There’s alot of talk about after care amongst those who like kink, but I think that its worthwhile to take another approach.

The first step to alleviating sub or Dom drop is to take good care of yourself before you ever play…and that means each day. It must be habitual. In this way, you’ll start out the play strong and well.

The next thing to do is to make sure the body and mind is properly prepared for the play. Do you feel grounded? Do you feel your mind and heart are relaxed and calm? Many dominants like their submissive to start out feeling a bit nervous and off balance. And yup. That can make play more exciting…but it’s also certain that this state will cause the submissive to tire more quickly or to experience subdrop, perhaps even to a severe degree. Anxiety causes the subtle energy in the body to leak out faster than it can be replaced, which causes fatigue. Resources in the body are used faster than usual, so again, causing the sort of fatigue that only rest, hydration and food can cure.

These are likely elemental if you think about it a bit. They are also not likely of concern if you only have an hour to play. But if you plan to play several hours, then both parties should consider beginning at a more centered place and building the tension of the scene slowly, creating instead a crescendo that is more sustainable for both of the partners.

One of the things that Tantric practice offers to kinksters is a way to build the body’s tolerance for holding energy. Yes. Kink play does build the body toward tolerating more energy. But it does so in ways that teach the skills of bracing, ignoring, closing off to learn to tolerate anxiety, pain and discomfort.

Tantra builds as much or more orgasmic energy in the body as kink, but it is done more slowly and more mindfully than most kinksters are used to doing. The result of this is to gently exercise the subtle energy ‘muscles’ so they can carry a more intense load. It also teaches the skills of sinking into sensation to tolerate it, to sink in to greater and greater levels of self revelation, which builds incredible trust. It will teach the skill of expanding to reveal and embrace, which makes the couple love more…and in those conditions, even meet a far deeper level of fear because of the depth of the intimacy. That sort of fear causes resistance even as the practice gives an in the moment way of meeting that resistance. The submission that arises out of that is far more satisfying because the submission goes to the core of being for the submissive. Its given on a soul level, not just emotional or physical.

The result of these skills and Tantric experiences are that you’ll both be able to sustain intense kink scenes for far longer if you teach your body to deal with huge amounts of energy with Tantra. As a personal aside; it is not an either/or proposition when it comes to kink or Tantra. For me, Tantra is an integral part of my kink play, because it brings balance to my sensuality and to my whole being….it makes kink soulful and heartful, not just physical or intellectual. Kink tends to be a physical/mental experience. Tantra adds the other dimensions that make it all a whole package.

Also Tantra teaches you how to build, rest, build, rest, build, rest, build, build, release…it is a dance of bringing one to the cusp of orgasmic release over and over again, giving the chance to acclimate to each level of powerful holding of the orgasmic energy. You can literally get so good at bringing up and holding off orgasm in your partner that you know that if you even breath on him, you’ll make him cum…you can learn that much control.

That sort of control is rather enticing for kink play, don’t you think?

The thing is? It takes practice and mastery of both self and pleasuring your partner…just as it takes some schooling and practice to learn shibari or to safely spank the skin to avoid bruising while creating incredible sensation.

You’ll find that Tantra will reduce the need for after care and often even change the needs for it to something really fun and pleasant, such as ending with eye gazing and a yummy meal.

Photo credits here.

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